Are you looking for a special person in your life?
It’s OK to want someone to share your life with, but be careful if you think you NEED someone.
Some people are Love Junkies: they have convinced themselves that intimate love from another person is as essential to life as oxygen, and that they will wither up and die without it. This is a downright lie, which robs many people of the joy they might otherwise experience.
Here are some lies that people believe:
“Without a husband (or wife) I am nothing”
“The world belongs to couples”
“I have no value in my own right”
“I cannot enjoy myself if I have to go places on my own”.
If this sounds like you…. Get your journal out.
First take a long, hard look at the equation alone = lonely. Ask yourself if this is really true. How many of life’s basic satisfactions can you enjoy in your own company? Quite a few actually…
Write a list of things you can enjoy on your own. For example, climbing a hill and admiring the view, reading a great book, enjoying a Knickerbocker glory, shopping for a new outfit…
Ask yourself if you’ve been living by a double standard. When you have a partner, how do you spend your time? Do you go to a lot of trouble to plan pleasurable activities?
When you’re without a partner, do you still take the trouble to plan good things for yourself? Or do you spend the weekend moping around, and then conclude that life is terrible because you’re on your own? Use your journal to explore these questions as honestly as you can.
Another great journal writing exercise is Pleasure Prediction
Write a list of positive activities you might like to try out without a partner, such as:
Going to a concert
Walking in the park
Riding your bike
Watching a movie that’s just been released
Visiting a local market
Learning something new
Holding a dinner party for a few close friends
Try to get between 12 and 20 items on to your list. Choose activities you feel would be pleasurable, life-enhancing, or beneficial for your personal growth.
Next to each item, predict how much you will enjoy each activity and give it a mark out of 10. The higher the number, the greater the anticipated satisfaction.
Next, over a short period of two or three weeks, attempt to do all of the activities on your list, or as many as possible. When you do them, do not listen to negative thoughts telling you it will all be a waste of time. Keep an open mind.
When you have tried all of the activities on your list, score each item again, this time for how much you actually enjoyed it.
Compare your predictions before each event, with how you felt while you were doing it.
Did you under-estimate the amount of pleasure you would get from some of these activities? Many people who try this exercise find they enjoy doing things on their own a lot more than they thought they would.
Use your personal journal to re-evaluate your core beliefs. Maybe it’s not being alone that’s the problem, but how you think about it? Just realising that you can enjoy yourself without a partner is a meaningful step towards building a happy, satisfying life.
About the Author
Lyn Alderson is a professional journalist, blogger and author, based in the English Midlands.
She has 25 years’ experience of writing news and features for UK newspapers and magazines.To find out more about Lyn and her work visithttp://lacopywriting.co.uk
If you want to find out more about the health benefits of keeping a journal, check out Lyn's e-book The Write Therapy: How Keeping a Journal Can Make You Happier, Healthier and More Productive available from the Amazon Kindle Store.
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