A true conversation is a gift to ourselves and others. We are willing to express who we really are, and to fully listen to the other. We stop judging what is being said and grant each person the right to be who they are. A true conversation leads to deep connection, where defensiveness, loneliness and emptiness melt away.
We speak for many reasons, to give and receive information, to buy and sell. These are transactional conversations. Other times we speak control, impress, gain recognition and approval. These conversations are for the purpose of personal gain or manipulation, not for knowing and being known.
Each Relationship Is a Profound Conversation
Each relationship we have is a profound conversation. Each person we meet is a way to deepen the understanding and connection we can become capable of. As we engage in true conversations, our conflicts, loneliness and struggles melt away. The basic ingredient needed is the willingness to Communicate Honestly.
Call Me By My True Name
A beautiful poem by Zen master, Thich Nat Hanh says, “Call me by my true name.” This means call something what it is. Don’t get lost in fantasies and hopes and become confused. If you are in lust, don’t call it love. If you are being rescued, call it rescue. Then you will be empowered to see what truly going on and deal with it wisely.
Although true conversations are an open gate to happiness, we have endless ways of sabotaging ourselves. Many blocks often arise. Once these blocks are seen and removed, not only will the relationship blossom, but our whole life will open up.
Removing Some Blocks to A True Conversation
Give Up Mixed Messages and Hidden Agendas
Many fear expressing the truth and speak with mixed messages, creating confusion and misunderstanding. They think they’re fooling the other, but are causing greatest damage to themselves. Not only do they lose trust of others, but soon can’t trust themselves.
Ask For What You Want
No one is a mind reader. Ask for what you want and need. Your partner may or may not be able to give it to you. That’s okay. It does not mean they do not love you. It simply means they cannot say yes to that particular request. Be willing to accept both Yes and No.
Responsible communication includes respect for the other and for ourselves. Rather than engage in blame, take responsibility for how you feel. Instead of saying, “You are horrible,” say, “right now I’m feeling disappointed.”
Honesty is the healer. Accepting honesty from others and from ourselves is the greatest gift we can give and receive. As we do, we realize that real fulfillment always comes from being true to ourselves.
If you enjoyed Brenda's article, then be sure to check out her new book The Unshakable Road to Love
Author bio: Brenda Shoshanna is an award-winning author, psychologist, Interfaith counselor, and long-term Zen practitioner and speaker. Her work is dedicated to integrating the teachings of East and West and making them real in our everyday lives. Brenda has offered over five hundred talks and workshops on all aspects of personal and spiritual development, relationships, and living an authentic, meaningful life.
You can find her online at:
Author Website: http://www.brendashoshanna.com
Book Website: https://www.totalrelationshipsnow.com/
Her Plays: https://www.allmyplays.com/
Her Podcast: https://www.zenwisdomtoday.com/
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