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Wednesday Journaling Writes: Who's to Blame?

Some additional information in one line
Mari L. McCarthy August 8, 2012

Sometimes it’s easy to slip into thinking the world would be a great place if it weren’t for

journaling to deal with blame other people. Everything’s going along fine and then someone does something to mess you up, and you have to detour or start all over. People can be a pain.

Funny how we slip into that antagonistic and totally erroneous way of thinking when we’ve screwed up or are otherwise feeling badly. The kneejerk instinct to blame someone else is universal. And sometimes, we go on blaming the other person or people for the rest of our lives.

Yet there’s proven, miraculous relief in setting aside that animosity, no matter what its origin. Whether you call it forgiveness or just forgetfulness, centering thought on yourself is infinitely more rewarding than harboring resentments towards others.

It seems likely that there are no accidents. And that means that whatever happens “to” me is part of a larger plan. And most of us know that while you can’t change the way others behave towards you, you can change the way you react to them.

So how can we avoid sinking into the vengeance and blame game? One guess.

Yup, journaling.

Talk in your journal about the way you feel towards someone who has offended you or been inconsiderate. Describe your hurt and even go ahead and describe how you would like to hurt them back.

Create a detailed description of the person: their looks, actions, and attitudes. Re-read your description several times.

Shift attention to yourself: your self-image, actions, strengths, and weaknesses. Reflect and write about the strong reaction you have towards that other person.

Now return to your ideals. Describe them, being as specific as possible. Not “the perfect boyfriend,” but “tall, dark-skinned, with lavender eyes, likes books.” Not “wealth,” but “a Manhattan penthouse, an Italian villa, and a private plane.”

• Finally, close your notebook and return again after a few days. As you read over these pieces, you’ll see how the process calmed you and brought you back to yourself. Write about the You that lives today who has matured from the You that wrote a few days ago.

It’s perfectly natural to blame others for all kinds of ills, and sometimes it seems obvious that another person brought bad luck. Car accidents, for example, are caused by one or the other party. Nonetheless, this journaling process will bring clarity and hope to the situation. In the end, the only thing that matters is not our fate, but how we respond to it.

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