Sometimes it’s really hard to make a choice.
Many of us have no problem deciding what we want, but others often wrestle with making choices, especially big ones.
Major decisions like - Shall I quit my job? Shall I buy that big-ticket item? Shall I tell him that I love him? - can stymie us for days, if not months.
The privilege of having a choice, to begin with, is enormous, and uniquely available to humans. Still, deciding can be agonizing. Sometimes, choice-making is paralyzing. Sometimes, people feel incapable of deciding.
Deciding not to decide is generally an option. But then, the reason the choice came up to begin with continues to be an issue. And you’re back to square one.
In order to stop repeating the insane cycle, bring the question to your journal.
1. Is your choice about transitioning to a new life stage?
- Write about the options you face. Spell them out in all their aspects until you have a high-resolution picture of the issue.
- You need/want to make a choice between going or staying, taking a risk or playing it safe, something new vs. the status quo. Write out all the pros and cons of each possibility.
2. Is the decision about an investment or major purchase or risk? Identify something from your environment that symbolizes the options your choice presents.
Example: Maybe you’re deliberating whether to buy a new house or to continue renting your home. You find a stick-on star to represent the new purchase and a flower from your garden to represent your current rental home. Journal about these symbols: why you selected them, what they mean for you. When you put them together, what story emerges? What’s the drama around a shiny star and a flower?
3. If you must make a choice related to your personal commitments, ask your Inner Coach. When it comes to relationships with other people, you may find it most rewarding to journal a dialogue, rather than a plain monologue with yourself.
With a clear image of your Coach in mind, respond to questions like:
- “Is this a person you can trust?”
- “What makes you think you should not trust this person?”
- “Which parts of this person remain unknown to you?”
- “What do you hope to gain from moving ahead towards, or away from, a commitment with this person?”
- “Whatever else you may think, in actuality you are good, loveable, and deserving of utmost respect. In light of that, does this person become more desirable to you, or less?”
4. Is the choice that worries you about how to react to a given set of circumstances, say, at work, or in a social group? Make a daily journal note consisting of an observation relating to that issue. Summarize your daily notes once a week. Notice patterns. When ready, write out a plan of action.
5. Are all choices difficult for you, no matter how small? A helpful therapy might be journaling Morning Pages. Why? Morning Pages effectively show us precisely where we’re located in the Universe. Personal choices become less threatening. Try it. You’ll see what I mean.
In the basic exercise of describing in writing the choice that’s concerning you, you start finding answers. By opening your eyes and slowing down enough to write – especially to write with a pen, by hand – you allow solutions to flow naturally, easily, helpfully!
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