by Camille Sanzone
I chose the title, Beloved Grotesques, for the book I am compiling about abuse and survival because many people, who purport to love us, betray our trust in them, and hurt us immeasurably. Their mutated love becomes grotesque in the most hideous way until it is not recognizable as love any longer. Grotesques, those offenders, masquerading as befrienders of the innocent, are so emotionally crippled, so warped beyond recognition that the distance between how they appear to the world, and how they act in dark corners of it with those they abuse, is vast.
Beloved Grotesques – because it may have been a favorite teacher, an aunt or uncle, a cousin, a brother or sister, a well-liked neighbor, well-loved priest, a parent, or a grandparent who abused you. It is not unusual to hate and love our abuser, and that disparity can haunt us and our ability to form healthy relationships for a lifetime.
When a stranger rapes us, it is horrendous, but when we are molested, neglected or abused by someone we love, and who supposedly loves us and should protect us, not cause us harm, it changes us to the very core, sometimes irreparably. It can tear at the fibers of who we might have become. If you are still feeling like a victim, living a life on hold or in the shadows of what you endured, it is time to free yourself. Whoever abused you may have had control over you once upon a time, but now you can choose to be free, to transform yourself from a victim to a survivor who has learned to thrive.
In my mid twenties I worked as a caseworker in New York for the Protective Services Division of Children’s Services. I investigated allegations of abuse and neglect of children. Many years later I worked as an instructor for a non-profit organization that provides shelter to abused women and their children. I presented a program to 7th and 12th graders, teaching them how to recognize the signs of an abusive relationship, and strategies to avoid becoming a victim or a perpetrator. I also talked about child abuse and within that context, sharing my own story of child abuse, I encouraged them to tell and keep telling if it was happening to them. After one particular presentation to a class of 7th graders, the teacher called to tell me that four children came to her at the end of the day and reported being abused. That is always good news and sad news.
My story of abuse will appear in the book, as will all the others, anonymously.
I am seeking stories of abuse, from men as well as women, who were molested as children, but more than that, I want to know how you may have gone beyond the abuse to healing. If you are still struggling with that, know that you will find an entire chapter dedicated to resources that can help, as well as processes that will encourage you to let go and forgive. The violence has got to stop, and even if the abuse is not physical, all abuse violates us, for it chips away at who we are.
Journal Writing helps release a lot of the pain we knew as children. If you were abused and never told anyone, I beseech you to tell your story now. I will also include some stories of spousal abuse, but my focus is on childhood abuse.
Please send your stories to forabetterway@aol.com. Together we can help stop the cycle of abuse.
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Camille Sanzone is author of several books. She's also a radio show host, appearing weekly on Wednesdays at 1:00 EST on www.w4wn.com in her show titled, Tie a Knot & Hang On! Help has Arrived.
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