As a child, I always expected that some day I would be an adult, and I would know I was an adult, leaving behind all my childishness and assuming impeccable authority and wisdom.<
There are many things you can't understand as a child, but you have a certain belief that someday – when you're an adult - you will understand them. You relax into your non-understanding, knowing your loved ones will protect you from harm.
Then, when you grow up, not understanding becomes a source of embarrassment, so you pretend that you know things and put on a mask of courage and self-sufficiency.
But the truth is, none of us ever really grow up. None of us thoroughly understands; nor are we entirely free of childish fears. And if we stop to think about it, we are just as full of wonderment as any toddler.
Of course, the world expects us to be grownup, to have all the answers, to be suave and sophisticated. We're pretty good at pretending. But when you've had enough of the BS, you turn to your journal.
What would you do without it? Yes, you're a responsible adult and you take care of business and you attend to your duties. You're respected by peers, family, and friends. You're a thoroughly good person, but you could not maintain that steadiness for others unless you had your journal to love you unconditionally.
No matter how sad, tired, worried, harassed, paranoid, angry or shocked; no matter how perplexed, questioning, confused; no matter how inflated/depressed your ego may be at the moment or how impossible your wishes or demands are, your journal is there for you, ready to help you work it out.
Questioning, in particular, is a rewarding way to use your journal. Try something like this:
• Open your journal to a new page and write the date. Then ask a question. Write it at the top of the page and then proceed to respond to it in as many ways and for as long as you wish.
• The next day, do the same, with the same or a different question.
• Continue the practice for a week. Then read over your entries, and write a new entry that's titled: Questions I have.
We may be adults, but I'm thinking that's just a label for physical maturity. Emotionally, we're not so different from our 5-year-old selves. We still hurt, and love, and wonder. Though we may not have parental protection, at least our journals are watching over us!
Here's how to give yourself more and better Self-Care!
image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/nihanpeker/3334450968/
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