Journaling: Raise Me Up

Sometimes when I have a moment of clarity during my day, I have this immediate follow up: ”Why are you just figuring this out now?” It is really one of the very few times when I worry about my age. “How could I be 48 and just learning this?”

When those feelings come, I take a moment. I ask the following question: "What matters more: that it took you this long to learn it, or that you accomplished something and can move on from here?" The second thing is always more important. Always.

Without a lot of details, I have had to do a lot of self-parenting over the years. I don’t blame anyone anymore. Sadly, I did as much (almost certainly more) harm than anyone else. Suffice to say, I had to find a way to give myself the support and trust and love that a parent dollops all over a precious baby of his or her own. I wish I could say I was a good parent. I can and will say that I am getting better all the time.

I used to think this job I had to finish raising Waco was particular to me. As I have learned though, it is not just a task for me. I have good friends who have great parents and they still have to spend time caring for themselves in a way that is very parent like.

I don’t know why this should be so. Possibly it is because our parents are not perfect, no matter how hard they try. Perhaps it is because they are raising themselves and they can’t teach lessons they have not learned. Maybe the parenting is always necessary because we can’t anticipate what will happen to us in a year, in a month, in a day, in this very moment.

Regardless of the reason, it seems to be the norm. Sadly, I have not always done the best I can by me. As I said, though, I don’t really blame anyone now. I just tell myself that I don’t have to focus on that.

The cool thing is that I have a new outlet for all of this. I journal. I write all the time now. I write about my exercise program. I write about my children. I write about my dreams. I even journal about the books I read.

And I turn to my journal to parent myself. I can’t really tell you particulars. That is not my forte. But the books of prompts I have used have helped me solidify a habit that has sustained me now for over three months.

And this is the best thing about a journal: like a great parent, my journal is always there for me. My journal always has time for me. My journal is always ready to raise me and raise me up.

Even better, my journal loves that I am 48 and figuring these things out. Of course, like any good parent, my journal reminds me to share …